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My Journey to Self-Love and Acceptance

Writer's picture: QCMHAQCMHA

Growing up, I never gave much thought to my weight or appearance, and I always enjoyed the food in front of me without hesitation. Never did I imagine that I would deeply struggle with an eating disorder in my teenage years.


Eating disorders often emerge between the ages of 12 and 25, a time when hormones are fluctuating and appearance is frequently discussed. I’m sharing my story because I know many people have experienced or are currently experiencing something similar, and it’s important to know that there is a way out.


My struggle with anorexia began at the start of COVID-19, when the “quarantine glow-up” trend became an obsession for me. I would watch endless “what I eat in a day” videos, fixating on what models consumed. The pandemic took away my sense of control, so I latched onto something social media told me I could control: my appearance. I was always a very active person, so having no access to sports took a huge toll on me and generated my fear of gaining weight. It started with focusing on “clean eating,” then progressed to an obsession with working out, and eventually led to eating less and less.


When lockdown ended, I had lost a significant amount of weight, and people noticed. I received compliments and attention from boys for the first time in person and through social media, which only fuelled



my eating disorder. Despite feeling exhausted, dizzy, and suffering from constant headaches, I convinced myself that I couldn’t skip a workout or I would immediately gain weight. Every compliment encouraged me to maintain my rigorous routine and lose even more weight. Eventually, the praise turned into concern as I became emaciated, but I was so consumed by the desire to be “skinny” that I didn’t care. I believed I could only be happy if I was thin enough. I knew what was happening, but I was in denial.


One day, I weighed myself and saw a number I hadn’t seen since middle school. I realized I had gone too far, but I didn’t know how to stop. Within a week of asking for help, my life changed dramatically. The biggest adjustment was being unable to exercise, which had always been a part of my life. I was so unwell that I faced the choice of going to the hospital or staying home and holding myself accountable for not exercising. Thankfully, I had an incredible support system of friends, family, doctors, and specialists to help me through this time.


Instead of using social media as a trigger and fuel for my eating disorder, I found a new community: people recovering from anorexia. These individuals inspired me to work hard to get better because life on the other side looked so much brighter. I stopped watching triggering videos and unfollowed accounts that promoted harmful content, focusing instead on positive influences.


We’re bombarded daily by images of what the “perfect body” should look like, but everyone’s perfect body is different. Even now, I sometimes catch myself wishing I looked more like someone else, but I’ve learned to recognize these thoughts as triggers and instead focus on what I love about myself.


It’s taken years to get here, but I’m finally happy with who I am, both inside and out, and most importantly, I’m healthy.

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Luca Mascarin
Luca Mascarin
Sep 23, 2024

It takes a lot to be able to open up like this. Thank you Sarah, you are so inspirational

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